top *shitty* diet ideas of the week:
1 only eat hamster mulch until your 6th birthday. it worked for dan marino!
2 have “a couple” orders of crab rangoon before your next tae-bo sesh! your girlfriend will thank you!
3 replace all those trans-fats with some healthy dirt / onion peels / yeast packets. a light substitute that is good for the heart and prevents unwanted pregnancy.
4 saying the lord’s prayer 50 times instead of eating breakfast and lunch. GOD IS GREAT!
